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INTERNALIZED FAMILIAL SHAME: born this way, and misdiagnosed by the age of 20.
Thursday, December 27, 2001, Age 20 Well, today I started using Paxil, an anti-depressant that hopefully will help me out a little bit in all sorts of ways. I’m kind of excited. I really do hope it helps because I think that is exactly what I need. My father is in an uproar right now…
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PHILOSOPHY: english, for **magic** ;0)
Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Chapter One, “Prejudices of Philosophers,” Aphorism No.6, Translated by Helen Zimmern, 1907 (Circa 2007 by Barnes & Noble, Inc.). It has gradually become clear to me what every great philosophy up till now has consisted of – namely, the confession of its originator, and a species of involuntary and…
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RAPIDLY CYCLING BIPOLAR MOODS: I won’t be correctly diagnosed for another 6 years.
NOTE: I was mis-medicated under a social worker’s prior, incorrect diagnosis, which caused ongoing, medically-induced mania (a severe medical condition). Tuesday, November 13, 2001, Age 20 I don’t understand how there can be times when you can feel so great about everything and you just feel like you can conquer the world, and then there…
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STRENGTH: or, weakness?
Saturday, November 3, 2001, Age 20 So, I wrote him an email. I hate when I start thinking about him, cause then I always end up thinking about him more and more and, of course, I only remember the good shit and find his bad traits endearing (for god’s sake I have no idea why?!)…
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LOST LOVE: can’t go back to where I started from.
Friday, November 2, 2001, Age 20 Well, it’s a little lonely here tonight. It’s Friday and none of my friends are anywhere to be found, which sucks, but is okay because I have a ton of work to get done. Shit here has been getting pretty annoying. I am really ready for Thanksgiving. I mean,…